Is it ignorance on the part of others when they claim you are not very respectful when?

you get angry about how they have mistreated you, or insulted you, or put you down unprovoked? Their rationale is 'but, you haven't been very respectful yourself'. I am a very respectful person but if you cross the line a few times and insult my dignity as a person then I get annoyed. I never start anything. And even when I speak to them about what they have done wrong or why it is wrong they don't get it and it is exhausting as it brings me down even more because they have numbers on their side who all say the same thing. They mistreat me and when I stand up for myself and say 'this is not on', they justify themselves by pin pointing my retaliation to prove that I am a disrespectful person? I am endlessly pleasant and patient to people until they start violating my self respect. Isn't that normal? Is this what abusers do? Put the onus on you?